1 00:00:01,281 --> 00:00:05,650 ( Trumpet Playing ) 2 00:00:05,719 --> 00:00:08,586 We're gathered here today to say good-bye 3 00:00:08,655 --> 00:00:09,747 toJumpy Number Eight. 4 00:00:09,823 --> 00:00:10,755 Nine. 5 00:00:10,824 --> 00:00:11,916 Nine. 6 00:00:11,992 --> 00:00:13,687 He was a good... 7 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,523 Nine? 8 00:00:15,595 --> 00:00:16,653 Are you sure, nine? 9 00:00:18,598 --> 00:00:21,431 Anyway, he was a very good frog. 10 00:00:21,501 --> 00:00:23,731 And he led a very full life. 11 00:00:23,804 --> 00:00:26,967 I remember when I stuck him in Mom's sun visor 12 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,634 and she almost hit that lady in the crosswalk. 13 00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:31,541 It was hysterical. 14 00:00:31,611 --> 00:00:34,045 Farewell,Jumpy Number Nine. 15 00:00:34,114 --> 00:00:37,015 We know you're going to a better place. 16 00:00:37,084 --> 00:00:40,019 Bye,Jumpy. 17 00:00:43,924 --> 00:00:45,755 Dad... 18 00:00:47,994 --> 00:00:49,154 ( Trumpet Playing ) 19 00:00:55,936 --> 00:00:56,903 ( Rocket Pops ) 20 00:00:58,038 --> 00:00:59,505 May he rest in pieces. 21 00:00:59,573 --> 00:01:01,131 - Amen. - Amen. 22 00:01:02,075 --> 00:01:04,737 ? Yes, no, maybe ? 23 00:01:04,811 --> 00:01:07,279 ? I don't know ? 24 00:01:07,347 --> 00:01:10,646 ? Can you repeat the question? ? 25 00:01:10,717 --> 00:01:12,878 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 26 00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:15,353 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 27 00:01:15,422 --> 00:01:17,720 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 28 00:01:17,791 --> 00:01:19,850 ? And you're not so big ? 29 00:01:19,926 --> 00:01:22,360 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 30 00:01:22,429 --> 00:01:24,522 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 31 00:01:24,598 --> 00:01:26,793 ? You're not the boss of me now ? 32 00:01:26,867 --> 00:01:29,597 ? And you're not so big ? 33 00:01:29,669 --> 00:01:34,163 ? Life is unfair? 34 00:01:37,043 --> 00:01:39,841 Kenarban... 35 00:01:39,913 --> 00:01:40,880 winds up... 36 00:01:43,483 --> 00:01:44,575 bases loaded... 37 00:01:46,386 --> 00:01:49,116 series on... 38 00:01:49,189 --> 00:01:50,486 the line. 39 00:01:50,557 --> 00:01:53,048 Would you just throw the ball? 40 00:01:53,126 --> 00:01:55,822 Ow! 41 00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:57,295 Want me to... 42 00:01:57,364 --> 00:01:58,626 kiss it? 43 00:02:07,474 --> 00:02:09,442 Oh, man. Kevin. 44 00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:10,840 I hate this guy. 45 00:02:10,911 --> 00:02:12,344 He's only been here for two weeks 46 00:02:12,412 --> 00:02:14,107 and he's already the most obnoxious kid 47 00:02:14,181 --> 00:02:15,739 in the school. 48 00:02:15,816 --> 00:02:17,283 Little help. 49 00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:18,715 Lose your ball-ey, baby? 50 00:02:18,785 --> 00:02:20,480 Can I have my ball back, Kevin? 51 00:02:20,554 --> 00:02:22,112 ''Can I have my ball back, Kevin?'' 52 00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:23,417 Come on, Kevin. 53 00:02:23,490 --> 00:02:24,582 ''Come on, Kevin.'' 54 00:02:24,658 --> 00:02:27,126 De gustibus non est disputandum. 55 00:02:27,194 --> 00:02:28,627 De kub... 56 00:02:28,695 --> 00:02:29,821 You stink! 57 00:02:29,896 --> 00:02:31,090 Your new name is Stinky. 58 00:02:31,164 --> 00:02:32,825 Whatever. Just give me my ball back. 59 00:02:32,899 --> 00:02:34,457 You want it? 60 00:02:34,534 --> 00:02:37,526 Go get it, Stinky. 61 00:02:41,575 --> 00:02:42,974 Men, most of you are at an age 62 00:02:43,043 --> 00:02:44,908 where your bodies have undergone 63 00:02:44,978 --> 00:02:46,969 significant changes. 64 00:02:47,047 --> 00:02:48,605 While the benefits 65 00:02:48,682 --> 00:02:50,877 of increased muscle mass 66 00:02:50,951 --> 00:02:53,920 and a more authoritative speaking register are plain 67 00:02:53,987 --> 00:02:57,582 these changes can produce certain... 68 00:02:57,657 --> 00:02:59,522 negative desires. 69 00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,117 Now, we used to handle it 70 00:03:01,194 --> 00:03:04,459 with cold showers and regularly scheduled beatings 71 00:03:04,531 --> 00:03:07,591 but sadly, times have changed 72 00:03:07,667 --> 00:03:10,431 and I am forced to rely on a less effective option: 73 00:03:10,504 --> 00:03:12,699 education. 74 00:03:15,408 --> 00:03:17,205 Pretty, isn't she? 75 00:03:17,277 --> 00:03:19,074 Perhaps her name is Mary 76 00:03:19,145 --> 00:03:22,342 or Wendy or Becky Lou. It doesn't matter 77 00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:25,816 because her real name is disease. 78 00:03:28,989 --> 00:03:30,581 Not so pretty anymore, is she, men? 79 00:03:30,657 --> 00:03:32,682 Chancres... 80 00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:34,750 lesions... 81 00:03:34,828 --> 00:03:37,661 furuncles... 82 00:03:37,731 --> 00:03:40,199 Such is the price of weakness. 83 00:03:40,267 --> 00:03:43,100 I can't believe they're swallowing this. 84 00:03:43,169 --> 00:03:44,534 Standard technique. 85 00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:45,901 Generate a fear response 86 00:03:45,972 --> 00:03:47,269 make the brain more receptive. 87 00:03:47,340 --> 00:03:49,706 Spangler has ruined everything in our lives. 88 00:03:49,776 --> 00:03:51,073 Now he has to ruin sex? 89 00:03:51,144 --> 00:03:52,304 Now, remember 90 00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:54,347 every one of these diseases 91 00:03:54,414 --> 00:03:57,406 can easily be transmitted to you. 92 00:03:59,085 --> 00:04:00,643 ( Boys Groaning ) 93 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:02,085 Excuse me, sir? 94 00:04:02,155 --> 00:04:04,521 Isn't that slide upside down? 95 00:04:04,591 --> 00:04:05,558 No, son. 96 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,684 No, it isn't. 97 00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:11,890 Dewey: Ow! 98 00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:13,125 I'll get the ice pack. 99 00:04:13,199 --> 00:04:15,167 Dewey, we told you to stop climbing that tree. 100 00:04:15,235 --> 00:04:16,202 It's too big. 101 00:04:16,269 --> 00:04:18,669 I couldn't help it. 102 00:04:18,738 --> 00:04:19,727 I know, sweetheart. 103 00:04:19,806 --> 00:04:22,070 That's it. I've had it. 104 00:04:22,142 --> 00:04:23,473 That sucker's coming down. 105 00:04:23,543 --> 00:04:24,942 You're going to cut down the tree? 106 00:04:25,011 --> 00:04:25,978 Darn right. 107 00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:27,479 I'm sick and tired of raking leaves 108 00:04:27,547 --> 00:04:29,037 and hosing bird poop off our car. 109 00:04:29,115 --> 00:04:30,673 And seeing that weird face in the bark 110 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,081 that follows you wherever you go. 111 00:04:32,152 --> 00:04:34,620 And now it's going after the children? 112 00:04:34,688 --> 00:04:35,985 No, Lois, it has to be stopped. 113 00:04:36,056 --> 00:04:38,217 Can I help kill it? 114 00:04:38,291 --> 00:04:39,588 Sure, sweetheart. 115 00:04:39,659 --> 00:04:40,921 We'll take turns. 116 00:04:47,667 --> 00:04:50,397 All right, frozen pizza. 117 00:04:50,470 --> 00:04:51,801 The only thing Rowena can't ruin. 118 00:04:52,906 --> 00:04:53,998 Hey, no cuts. 119 00:04:54,074 --> 00:04:55,837 ''Hey, no cuts.'' 120 00:04:55,909 --> 00:04:58,070 Two slices, please. 121 00:04:59,779 --> 00:05:01,076 Is there any more pizza? 122 00:05:01,147 --> 00:05:03,047 No. All out. 123 00:05:03,116 --> 00:05:05,175 It's American Goulash for you. 124 00:05:10,090 --> 00:05:14,026 What... is that? 125 00:05:14,094 --> 00:05:15,220 I don't know. 126 00:05:15,295 --> 00:05:16,262 All I can identify 127 00:05:16,329 --> 00:05:17,819 are little pieces of carrot and... 128 00:05:17,897 --> 00:05:20,593 I don't know, I think they're Skittles. 129 00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:23,397 Hey, look at the goulash boy. 130 00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:25,062 Get away from me, Kevin. 131 00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:27,663 Ooh, ''get away from me, Kevin.'' 132 00:05:27,741 --> 00:05:30,266 He's so sad that he doesn't have pizza 133 00:05:30,343 --> 00:05:32,038 and I do. 134 00:05:32,112 --> 00:05:34,046 I said get away. 135 00:05:34,114 --> 00:05:37,481 Chill... man. 136 00:05:37,550 --> 00:05:38,812 I got... 137 00:05:38,885 --> 00:05:41,854 your back. 138 00:05:41,921 --> 00:05:43,821 What are you looking at, Kenar-butt? 139 00:05:43,890 --> 00:05:46,051 Light... 140 00:05:46,126 --> 00:05:47,855 some shadows. 141 00:05:47,927 --> 00:05:49,690 Kevin, I'm warning you. 142 00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:51,663 Get out of my face. 143 00:05:51,731 --> 00:05:53,392 Oh, Malcolm doesn't like me 144 00:05:53,466 --> 00:05:54,797 eating close to his face 145 00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:59,168 with pizza I have and he doesn't. 146 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,835 Pizza, pizza, pizza. 147 00:06:02,909 --> 00:06:05,070 ( Echoing ): Pizza... 148 00:06:05,145 --> 00:06:08,114 ( Echoing ): Pizza... 149 00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:12,947 Pizza... 150 00:06:29,536 --> 00:06:30,468 You want pizza? 151 00:06:30,537 --> 00:06:31,561 I'll give you pizza. 152 00:06:34,374 --> 00:06:36,968 Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! 153 00:06:37,043 --> 00:06:39,034 Fight! Fight! Fight! 154 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,443 Wow, watching hockey's really paid off. 155 00:06:43,516 --> 00:06:45,450 I can't believe how good I'm doing. 156 00:06:45,518 --> 00:06:46,815 ( Crying ) 157 00:06:46,886 --> 00:06:49,013 What do you mean he's only seven? 158 00:06:49,089 --> 00:06:50,852 What's not to understand? 159 00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,323 He just turned seven. 160 00:06:52,392 --> 00:06:55,054 I guess you were too busy beating people to notice. 161 00:06:55,128 --> 00:06:57,722 He can't be seven. He's bigger than I am. 162 00:06:57,797 --> 00:06:59,492 He's in second grade. 163 00:06:59,566 --> 00:07:01,295 Look at all this blood. 164 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,959 That's not blood. It's pizza sauce. 165 00:07:03,036 --> 00:07:04,162 Well, that's blood, but... 166 00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:05,295 Oh, my God. 167 00:07:05,371 --> 00:07:06,531 Oh, my God! 168 00:07:06,606 --> 00:07:08,471 What happened? 169 00:07:08,541 --> 00:07:10,202 I want my Teletubby! 170 00:07:10,276 --> 00:07:11,402 A doll? 171 00:07:11,478 --> 00:07:13,844 You can't play with dolls if you're seven. 172 00:07:13,913 --> 00:07:15,710 Why are you seven? 173 00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:17,977 You beat up a seven-year-old? 174 00:07:18,051 --> 00:07:19,313 I didn't know. 175 00:07:19,385 --> 00:07:21,683 Malcolm, I don't blame you. 176 00:07:21,755 --> 00:07:25,247 I put this squarely where it belongs. 177 00:07:25,325 --> 00:07:27,156 On me. 178 00:07:27,227 --> 00:07:30,094 Oh, man, this is the most horrible thing I've ever done. 179 00:07:30,163 --> 00:07:31,425 Kevin, I'm sorry. 180 00:07:31,498 --> 00:07:32,863 I think you've done quite enough. 181 00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:35,864 This is the worst birthday ever! 182 00:07:45,011 --> 00:07:47,138 ''Inappropriate... 183 00:07:47,213 --> 00:07:48,145 vicious.'' 184 00:07:48,214 --> 00:07:49,841 Oh, wait-- ''Thug.'' 185 00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:51,543 Dude, I have never gotten ''thug'' before. 186 00:07:51,618 --> 00:07:52,585 That's like the Oscar. 187 00:07:52,652 --> 00:07:54,142 Susie Gunther ate my crayons. 188 00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:56,085 Can you beat her up tomorrow? 189 00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:57,214 Leave me alone. 190 00:07:57,290 --> 00:07:58,689 You know what my favorite part is? 191 00:07:58,758 --> 00:08:00,089 It's when you pound on someone 192 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,252 and then a day later 193 00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:02,851 you still feel the pain in your knuckles. 194 00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:04,328 Oh, I love that. 195 00:08:04,397 --> 00:08:05,864 Shut up, Reese. 196 00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:08,127 Hey, hey, pace yourself, killer. 197 00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:09,691 ( Chain Saw Buzzing ) 198 00:08:09,769 --> 00:08:10,997 Whoa. 199 00:08:12,205 --> 00:08:14,230 Whoo-hoo! 200 00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:15,501 Dad. 201 00:08:15,575 --> 00:08:18,373 You cut down the tree and we missed it? 202 00:08:18,444 --> 00:08:20,378 Oh, baby, you missed it, all right. 203 00:08:20,446 --> 00:08:22,607 I was about two-thirds of the way through her 204 00:08:22,682 --> 00:08:25,913 then crack! Kaboom! 205 00:08:25,985 --> 00:08:27,452 My chain saw goes flying. 206 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,112 All the car alarms go off. 207 00:08:29,189 --> 00:08:32,283 About 1 00 squirrels came boiling out of the branches. 208 00:08:32,358 --> 00:08:34,849 Then a pack of dogs came out of nowhere 209 00:08:34,928 --> 00:08:36,225 and chased them all over. 210 00:08:36,296 --> 00:08:38,821 Man, I've never seen anything like it. 211 00:08:38,898 --> 00:08:40,024 Man... 212 00:08:40,099 --> 00:08:41,566 Oh, don't worry, son. 213 00:08:41,634 --> 00:08:43,192 You'll get to share in the best part. 214 00:08:43,269 --> 00:08:44,327 Cleaning up. 215 00:08:45,805 --> 00:08:47,033 I think you'll enjoy 216 00:08:47,106 --> 00:08:49,233 my sexual awareness lecture next week. 217 00:08:49,309 --> 00:08:50,401 It's been called riveting. 218 00:08:50,476 --> 00:08:52,000 I'm sure it is, sir. 219 00:08:52,078 --> 00:08:53,739 It sure worked wonders for me, sir. 220 00:08:53,813 --> 00:08:55,041 The only woman I can think of 221 00:08:55,114 --> 00:08:57,139 without vomiting is my own mother. 222 00:08:57,217 --> 00:08:59,344 As it should be, son, as it should be. 223 00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:01,682 He's giving that same lecture 224 00:09:01,754 --> 00:09:03,517 to the underclassmen. 225 00:09:03,590 --> 00:09:06,150 I can't let that happen. 226 00:09:06,226 --> 00:09:07,818 I'm stealing his slides. 227 00:09:07,894 --> 00:09:09,623 And to you that's a good idea? 228 00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:10,788 Absolutely. 229 00:09:10,864 --> 00:09:13,833 I know it's hard core, Stanley 230 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:15,765 but I'm not doing this for me. 231 00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:17,268 I'm doing it for them. 232 00:09:17,337 --> 00:09:19,396 After all, they are the future. 233 00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:23,733 Francis, I don't know why you assume 234 00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,937 we'll be able to just walk into Spangler's office 235 00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:27,206 and find the sex slides. 236 00:09:29,048 --> 00:09:32,347 Oh, man, I wish all my break-ins were this easy. 237 00:09:36,823 --> 00:09:37,847 Okay, I got 'em. 238 00:09:37,924 --> 00:09:38,856 Let's get out of here. 239 00:09:38,925 --> 00:09:39,949 Wait a second. 240 00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:47,198 Oh, my God, this is a gold mine. 241 00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:49,701 Spangler drinking... 242 00:09:49,769 --> 00:09:52,499 Spangler kissing... 243 00:09:52,572 --> 00:09:55,200 Spangler in a Speedo? 244 00:09:55,275 --> 00:09:56,264 Spangler out of a Speedo. 245 00:09:56,342 --> 00:09:57,366 All right, that's enough. 246 00:09:57,443 --> 00:09:58,375 Let's leave, huh? 247 00:09:58,444 --> 00:09:59,376 Wait a second. 248 00:09:59,445 --> 00:10:01,106 I have an idea. 249 00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,648 I'm going to make Spangler's sexual awareness lecture 250 00:10:03,716 --> 00:10:04,944 just a little more interesting. 251 00:10:05,018 --> 00:10:06,679 You do realize what he'll do to you 252 00:10:06,753 --> 00:10:08,345 if you humiliate him like this, right? 253 00:10:08,421 --> 00:10:10,685 And yet, I'm doing it anyway. 254 00:10:10,757 --> 00:10:12,748 Weird, huh? 255 00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:15,225 Why are the eggs so little? 256 00:10:15,295 --> 00:10:16,819 They're robin's eggs from the tree 257 00:10:16,896 --> 00:10:17,988 your father cut down. 258 00:10:18,965 --> 00:10:20,432 Paul Bunyan. 259 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,365 That's nature for you. 260 00:10:22,435 --> 00:10:24,426 1 00 years to grow, 1 2 minutes to cut down. 261 00:10:24,504 --> 00:10:26,233 There's got to be a lesson in there somewhere. 262 00:10:26,306 --> 00:10:27,295 It is nice 263 00:10:27,373 --> 00:10:28,897 having this extra light in the room. 264 00:10:28,975 --> 00:10:31,034 Wait till I bring in the wood chipper. 265 00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,839 Then you're really going to see something. 266 00:10:32,912 --> 00:10:34,402 I can't take this anymore. 267 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:36,243 When are you going to punish me? 268 00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:37,374 For what? 269 00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:38,781 For beating up a seven-year-old. 270 00:10:38,851 --> 00:10:40,910 ( All Laughing ) 271 00:10:42,789 --> 00:10:43,949 Oh, my God, that's right. 272 00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:45,490 You must've just felt ridiculous 273 00:10:45,558 --> 00:10:47,423 when you found out how old that kid was. 274 00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,757 I can only imagine the look on your face. 275 00:10:49,829 --> 00:10:51,353 ( Laughing ) 276 00:10:51,431 --> 00:10:53,092 ( Doorbell Rings ) 277 00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:54,463 I'll get it. 278 00:10:54,534 --> 00:10:55,660 Oh, this is nice. 279 00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:57,464 We should start every day with a good laugh. 280 00:10:57,537 --> 00:10:59,471 It's not funny. 281 00:10:59,539 --> 00:11:00,471 It's awful. 282 00:11:00,540 --> 00:11:01,871 I did something horrible. 283 00:11:01,941 --> 00:11:03,340 Don't you even care? 284 00:11:03,409 --> 00:11:05,036 Well, it's nothing to be proud of, son 285 00:11:05,111 --> 00:11:06,908 but you told us the whole story 286 00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:08,743 and he didn't give you much choice. 287 00:11:08,815 --> 00:11:10,510 It was an honest beating mistake. 288 00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:12,881 Besides, it sends a good message to our enemies. 289 00:11:12,952 --> 00:11:14,180 What are you talking about? 290 00:11:14,253 --> 00:11:15,185 What enemies? 291 00:11:15,254 --> 00:11:17,154 Oh, they're out there. 292 00:11:17,223 --> 00:11:19,748 And once they know we're capable of this 293 00:11:19,826 --> 00:11:21,521 they'll know we're capable of anything. 294 00:11:24,397 --> 00:11:27,161 Okay, so it's not just me, right? 295 00:11:27,233 --> 00:11:29,360 There's something seriously wrong with this family. 296 00:11:29,435 --> 00:11:31,062 Lois: It's none of your business 297 00:11:31,137 --> 00:11:33,071 what we do on our property. 298 00:11:33,139 --> 00:11:34,731 Ed: That tree was older than your house. 299 00:11:34,807 --> 00:11:36,206 You had no right to cut it down. 300 00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:37,401 We're a neighborhood. 301 00:11:37,477 --> 00:11:38,444 And removing trees 302 00:11:38,511 --> 00:11:40,274 is a neighborhood decision. 303 00:11:40,346 --> 00:11:41,574 Oh, you people. 304 00:11:41,647 --> 00:11:43,410 For 1 5 years, you mowed your lawns at night 305 00:11:43,483 --> 00:11:44,780 so you don't have to talk to us. 306 00:11:44,851 --> 00:11:46,614 Now, all of a sudden we're a neighborhood? 307 00:11:46,686 --> 00:11:47,880 What's going on here? 308 00:11:47,954 --> 00:11:50,946 You've caused a blight by cutting down that tree. 309 00:11:51,024 --> 00:11:52,787 How is cutting down a tree a blight? 310 00:11:52,859 --> 00:11:54,383 Because now we can see your house. 311 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:57,122 Lois: Well, let me tell you something, Ed. 312 00:11:57,196 --> 00:11:58,220 As far as I'm concerned 313 00:11:58,297 --> 00:11:59,730 you and the neighbors can all just... 314 00:11:59,799 --> 00:12:01,426 ( Monkey-like Chattering ) 315 00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:02,798 That goes double for me. 316 00:12:02,869 --> 00:12:04,564 I want you all off our property now or... 317 00:12:04,637 --> 00:12:06,195 ( Grunting ) 318 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,170 ( Chattering And Grunting ) 319 00:12:11,444 --> 00:12:14,004 ( Grunting ) 320 00:12:15,448 --> 00:12:17,439 ( Monkey-like Chattering ) 321 00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:19,815 ( Grunting ) 322 00:12:19,886 --> 00:12:21,945 No wonder I'm a thug. 323 00:12:22,021 --> 00:12:23,488 How can they act like this? 324 00:12:29,028 --> 00:12:31,087 Then I found out he was only seven. 325 00:12:31,164 --> 00:12:32,654 I didn't know what to do. 326 00:12:32,732 --> 00:12:34,359 I felt like I had to talk to someone. 327 00:12:34,434 --> 00:12:36,368 I hope I'm doing this right. 328 00:12:36,436 --> 00:12:39,234 See, my family-- we're not like regular churchgoers 329 00:12:39,305 --> 00:12:40,602 but I know places like this 330 00:12:40,673 --> 00:12:42,504 are supposed to help you feel better 331 00:12:42,575 --> 00:12:43,940 and that's really what I need. 332 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:45,500 I did something terrible, and... 333 00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:48,012 now I just feel like there's something wrong with me. 334 00:12:48,081 --> 00:12:50,777 I mean, really wrong, deep inside. 335 00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:52,408 I can't shake it. 336 00:12:52,485 --> 00:12:53,679 What do I do? 337 00:12:53,753 --> 00:12:56,620 Look to the church. 338 00:12:56,689 --> 00:12:57,781 Look to God. 339 00:12:57,857 --> 00:12:58,687 Look within. 340 00:12:58,758 --> 00:12:59,782 But first 341 00:12:59,859 --> 00:13:00,791 ask forgiveness. 342 00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:01,986 You must atone. 343 00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:03,619 You must cleanse your spirit. 344 00:13:03,696 --> 00:13:05,186 ( Rap Beat Playing ).. ? The path to salvation... ? 345 00:13:05,264 --> 00:13:06,322 ? The path to temptation... ? 346 00:13:06,399 --> 00:13:07,627 ? The path to meditation... ? 347 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:08,962 Rabbi: ? How does one define a sin? ? 348 00:13:09,035 --> 00:13:10,161 ? Well, it's mostly common sense ? 349 00:13:10,236 --> 00:13:11,328 ? Then you have to light incense ? 350 00:13:11,404 --> 00:13:12,598 ? If you practice abstinence... ? 351 00:13:12,672 --> 00:13:14,139 ? It's whatever space you're in ? 352 00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:16,505 Huh? 353 00:13:16,576 --> 00:13:17,804 - ? C-C-Charity? - ? Prosperity? 354 00:13:17,877 --> 00:13:19,003 - ? Clarity? - ? Divine ? 355 00:13:19,078 --> 00:13:20,204 - ? Restitution ? - ? Absolution ? 356 00:13:20,279 --> 00:13:21,405 - ? Contribution ? - ? Palestine ? 357 00:13:21,481 --> 00:13:22,709 - ? Sacramental ? - ? Accidental ? 358 00:13:22,782 --> 00:13:23,976 - ? Mostly mental ? - ? You'll be fine ? 359 00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:24,982 - ? Transubstantiate ? - ? Alleviate ? 360 00:13:25,051 --> 00:13:26,712 ? Who knows? ? 361 00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:28,276 ? Align your spine ? 362 00:13:29,922 --> 00:13:31,549 Uh... well, thanks. 363 00:13:31,624 --> 00:13:33,717 I feel much better. Bye. 364 00:13:37,897 --> 00:13:39,296 Hey, boys. 365 00:13:39,365 --> 00:13:40,593 Where's your brother? 366 00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:41,758 I don't know. 367 00:13:41,834 --> 00:13:43,995 He said something about being evil 368 00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:45,094 and he took off. 369 00:13:45,171 --> 00:13:46,502 Ah. Uh, stay back. 370 00:13:48,541 --> 00:13:49,838 Wow! 371 00:13:49,909 --> 00:13:51,900 That was the coolest thing I've ever seen! 372 00:13:51,978 --> 00:13:53,343 Really? All it does 373 00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:56,506 is instantly vaporize anything that goes into it. 374 00:14:05,158 --> 00:14:08,150 Dewey! What was...?! 375 00:14:08,227 --> 00:14:10,787 Actually, that was pretty cool. 376 00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:13,457 What else you got? 377 00:14:55,141 --> 00:14:58,133 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 378 00:14:58,211 --> 00:15:00,304 ( Laughing ) 379 00:15:00,379 --> 00:15:04,713 Well, we've obviously run out of ideas. 380 00:15:05,952 --> 00:15:07,647 Yolanda, this is a love 381 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:08,744 that cannot be. 382 00:15:08,821 --> 00:15:09,981 Eraserhead: Stop! 383 00:15:10,056 --> 00:15:12,115 Can't you put some life in it? 384 00:15:12,191 --> 00:15:13,283 It's 1 969! 385 00:15:13,359 --> 00:15:15,293 The slide rule is about to be replaced 386 00:15:15,361 --> 00:15:16,988 by the pocket calculator! 387 00:15:17,063 --> 00:15:19,531 You have to feel the panic in the air. 388 00:15:19,599 --> 00:15:22,796 I can't stop thinking about what I did to Kevin. 389 00:15:22,868 --> 00:15:25,530 I feel like crap, and no one understands. 390 00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:26,731 Even you. 391 00:15:26,806 --> 00:15:28,171 You're supposed to be my friend 392 00:15:28,241 --> 00:15:29,367 and you don't even care. 393 00:15:29,442 --> 00:15:33,378 And yet... you keep... talking. 394 00:15:33,446 --> 00:15:35,175 Maybe if I did something good 395 00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:37,216 that would cancel it out, right? 396 00:15:37,283 --> 00:15:39,080 Or if I'm only doing it to feel better 397 00:15:39,151 --> 00:15:41,210 is that selfish and doesn't count as much? 398 00:15:41,287 --> 00:15:43,016 Stevie? 399 00:15:44,090 --> 00:15:45,580 ( Sighing ) 400 00:15:45,658 --> 00:15:48,718 Okay. So, I just have to think of a really giant good deed. 401 00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:51,194 That way, I know I'll be in the plus column. 402 00:15:51,264 --> 00:15:53,232 I bet I can think of something great. 403 00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:55,460 I just have to put some thought into it. 404 00:15:56,535 --> 00:15:58,127 There! 405 00:16:00,273 --> 00:16:01,467 That's perfect. 406 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,007 I'll run the marathon 407 00:16:03,075 --> 00:16:06,306 and get people to pledge money for every mile that I go. 408 00:16:06,379 --> 00:16:08,142 I hate running, so it'll be hard 409 00:16:08,214 --> 00:16:11,411 and I'll have to train for it, so it'll take dedication 410 00:16:11,484 --> 00:16:13,384 and it'll be helping cure diseases 411 00:16:13,452 --> 00:16:14,510 which no one likes. 412 00:16:14,587 --> 00:16:16,578 And then I can get on with my life. 413 00:16:16,656 --> 00:16:19,216 No! No! No! 414 00:16:19,292 --> 00:16:21,157 I can't work like this! 415 00:16:21,227 --> 00:16:22,854 I'll be at my cubby. 416 00:16:22,928 --> 00:16:25,590 This'll work. 417 00:16:25,665 --> 00:16:27,599 It has to. 418 00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:39,109 ( Panting ) 419 00:16:41,213 --> 00:16:44,876 ( No Audio ) 420 00:16:51,791 --> 00:16:54,419 ( Panting ) 421 00:17:14,213 --> 00:17:15,407 ( Dog Growling ) 422 00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:19,073 ( Grunting ) 423 00:17:22,488 --> 00:17:23,921 There we go. 424 00:17:23,989 --> 00:17:26,116 Looks great, Dad. 425 00:17:26,192 --> 00:17:27,318 Yeah? I don't know. 426 00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:28,724 Now that it's in there 427 00:17:28,794 --> 00:17:31,126 it sort of makes me miss the old tree. 428 00:17:31,197 --> 00:17:33,290 This one's a little droopy 429 00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:35,561 and the branches are a little spindly 430 00:17:35,634 --> 00:17:36,862 and there's no face. 431 00:17:36,936 --> 00:17:38,904 Well, there's that little one 432 00:17:38,971 --> 00:17:40,336 but it's not the... 433 00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:42,874 kindly little spooky face... 434 00:17:42,942 --> 00:17:43,874 Oh, my God! 435 00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:45,433 What have I done? 436 00:17:45,511 --> 00:17:47,035 Reese 437 00:17:47,113 --> 00:17:48,341 get my chain saw. 438 00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:52,578 I hear your son likes to beat up seven-year-olds. 439 00:17:52,651 --> 00:17:55,017 I wouldn't say he likes it. 440 00:17:55,087 --> 00:17:57,419 He's good at it, apparently. 441 00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:58,388 Look... 442 00:17:58,457 --> 00:17:59,651 in my family 443 00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:01,852 we don't go for that. 444 00:18:01,927 --> 00:18:03,895 Probably not a good idea to poke me. 445 00:18:03,963 --> 00:18:05,794 ''Probably not a good idea to poke me.'' 446 00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,234 ( Mirthless Chuckle ) 447 00:18:09,301 --> 00:18:10,359 I'm sorry I beat him up 448 00:18:10,436 --> 00:18:12,404 but how was I supposed to know he was 1 5? 449 00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:13,699 He was huge. 450 00:18:13,773 --> 00:18:15,934 You should have seen the grip he had on my throat. 451 00:18:16,008 --> 00:18:19,000 Caroline: Okay, peoples 452 00:18:19,078 --> 00:18:22,047 I need all the pledge sheets before we can begin. 453 00:18:22,114 --> 00:18:24,082 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 454 00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:25,617 Caroline? 455 00:18:25,684 --> 00:18:27,049 Malcolm, I am so glad 456 00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:28,484 you decided to do this. 457 00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:30,852 Now, were you able to get any pledges? 458 00:18:30,923 --> 00:18:32,720 Here. 459 00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:34,885 Wow. 460 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,827 I don't suppose there's a beer guy around here. 461 00:18:37,897 --> 00:18:40,764 This is a charity race at an elementary school. 462 00:18:40,833 --> 00:18:43,961 Oh. So, I have to go to a stand, or something, huh? 463 00:18:44,036 --> 00:18:45,970 My God. 464 00:18:46,038 --> 00:18:47,232 Are these real? 465 00:18:47,306 --> 00:18:49,137 Well, I assume so. Why? 466 00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:50,402 Well, look at all of them. 467 00:18:50,476 --> 00:18:51,534 He has more pledges here 468 00:18:51,610 --> 00:18:53,373 than everyone else put together. 469 00:18:53,446 --> 00:18:54,538 If he runs the distance 470 00:18:54,613 --> 00:18:57,946 he is going to raise over $8,000. 471 00:19:02,755 --> 00:19:05,349 Man Over P.A.: Runners, take your marks. 472 00:19:05,424 --> 00:19:08,757 Get set. 473 00:19:08,828 --> 00:19:10,056 ( Gunshot ) 474 00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:29,244 Ow. 475 00:19:29,315 --> 00:19:30,839 Spangler: Perhaps her name is Mary 476 00:19:30,916 --> 00:19:33,248 or... Wendy, or Becky Lou. 477 00:19:33,319 --> 00:19:37,016 It doesn't matter because her real name 478 00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:38,989 is disease. 479 00:19:39,058 --> 00:19:40,320 ( Laughter ) 480 00:19:40,392 --> 00:19:42,451 Isn't so pretty anymore, is she, boys? 481 00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:44,689 Chancres... 482 00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:45,821 lesions... 483 00:19:45,898 --> 00:19:47,525 furuncles-- 484 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:48,760 Such is the pri... 485 00:19:50,402 --> 00:19:52,427 Why, these aren't the proper slides. 486 00:19:52,505 --> 00:19:55,201 Some hooligan has switched them. 487 00:19:55,274 --> 00:19:58,141 This is obviously some ingenious scheme 488 00:19:58,210 --> 00:19:59,404 to humiliate me. 489 00:19:59,478 --> 00:20:01,469 I find myself 490 00:20:01,547 --> 00:20:04,675 so overcome with embarrassment I can't stop clicking. 491 00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:08,846 Although there's probably one in here of a cadet 492 00:20:08,921 --> 00:20:11,048 who thinks he's all alone, and... 493 00:20:11,123 --> 00:20:13,216 Well... 494 00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,658 technical difficulties. 495 00:20:15,728 --> 00:20:18,424 We will resume the lecture... 496 00:20:18,497 --> 00:20:20,556 with the proper slides 497 00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:22,658 at 0800 tomorrow. 498 00:20:22,735 --> 00:20:24,464 Gentlemen. 499 00:20:27,773 --> 00:20:29,536 Remember, son 500 00:20:29,608 --> 00:20:32,168 a good soldier always checks the chamber. 501 00:20:35,681 --> 00:20:38,479 Okay, this is going to sting. 502 00:20:40,819 --> 00:20:43,014 What is with you? 503 00:20:43,088 --> 00:20:44,612 Nothing. 504 00:20:44,690 --> 00:20:46,590 Usually you scream like a stuck pig 505 00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:48,092 when I put this stuff on. 506 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,025 You've been such a zombie lately. 507 00:20:50,095 --> 00:20:53,462 It feels worse on the inside than it does on my knee. 508 00:20:53,532 --> 00:20:55,830 What are you talking about? 509 00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:59,803 Mom, I can't stop feeling bad about what I did to Kevin. 510 00:20:59,872 --> 00:21:02,773 I feel like I have a monster inside of me. 511 00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:06,872 Oh, for crying out loud, Malcolm 512 00:21:06,946 --> 00:21:08,208 that's no monster. 513 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,907 That's your conscience. 514 00:21:09,982 --> 00:21:12,815 You should be thankful God gave you one. 515 00:21:12,885 --> 00:21:14,250 Yeah. It feels great. 516 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,412 I'm serious. 517 00:21:15,487 --> 00:21:16,613 It's a gift. 518 00:21:16,689 --> 00:21:18,987 And you know what most people do with theirs? 519 00:21:19,058 --> 00:21:20,025 They keep them in the closet 520 00:21:20,092 --> 00:21:21,184 and bring them out 521 00:21:21,260 --> 00:21:22,818 only when they think he's coming to visit. 522 00:21:22,895 --> 00:21:24,920 You're not like that. 523 00:21:24,997 --> 00:21:26,225 Good for you. 524 00:21:26,298 --> 00:21:27,925 But I can't stop thinking about it. 525 00:21:29,201 --> 00:21:30,225 Ow! 526 00:21:30,302 --> 00:21:32,736 Were you thinking about it just then? 527 00:21:32,805 --> 00:21:33,533 No! 528 00:21:33,606 --> 00:21:34,766 See? I promise 529 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,398 you will feel bad about Kevin 530 00:21:36,475 --> 00:21:38,375 only as long as you're supposed to. 531 00:21:38,444 --> 00:21:41,379 Now, go to bed. 532 00:21:41,447 --> 00:21:43,347 You're a nice boy, Malcolm 533 00:21:43,415 --> 00:21:44,780 and I'll kick the conniption 534 00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:46,511 out of anybody who says you aren't 535 00:21:46,585 --> 00:21:48,678 including that little voice in your head. 536 00:21:50,189 --> 00:21:51,884 Okay. 537 00:21:51,957 --> 00:21:52,981 Good night, Mom. 538 00:21:53,058 --> 00:21:54,150 Good night, sweetie. 539 00:21:54,226 --> 00:21:55,250 Night, Dad. 540 00:21:55,327 --> 00:21:57,818 Good night, son.